Monday, October 22, 2012

Jokes From The Crypt

Here's some jokes from a book called Jokes from the Crypt. It was published by Random House in 1992. It features jokes told by the Crypt-Keeper, the Vault-Keeper, and the Old Witch and has a great cover by Jack Davis.

What do you call a person who only eats human flesh?
A humanitarian.

Why did the Cyclops give up teaching?
Because he only had one pupil.

What happened to the girl who swallowed a spoon?
She didn't stir.

What did the missionaries give the cannibals?
Their first taste of Christianity.

What happens when you fail to pay an exorcist?
You get repossessed.

Where do you find vampire snails?
On the ends of vampire's fingers.

What do you call someone who thinks he's a big black bird?
A raven maniac.

Who digs graves during a gravedigger strike?
A skeleton crew.

Where do you take an Egyptian mummy with a bad back?
To a Cairo-practor.

What goes in pink and comes out blue?
A body in a freezer.

What do you get if you cross the Loch Ness Monster with a great white shark?
Loch Jaws.

What do you call a corpse that's been buried a long time?

What have you got when a zombie presses your doorbell?
A dead ringer.

What kind of necklace does a strangler give his girlfriend?
A choker.

Why do fortune tellers love their work?
Because they have a ball.

What do mummies do on vacation?
They unwind.

Why are demons so popular with ghouls?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

Why do spiders spin webs?
Because they can't crochet.

What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.

What did the Headless Horseman say when given a comb as a gift?
"I will never part with this."

What note do you hear when a coal mine collapses?
A flat miner.

Why did the woman shoot her husband with a bow and arrow?
So she wouldn't wake the children.

What do you call a demonically possessed motorbike?
A vicious cycle.

What do you call a person who sticks his hand into a great white shark's mouth?

What has four legs and flies?
A dead dog.

What do you call a fat vampire?

Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon?
Because he was dead.

What do you get when you put a canary into a food processor?
Shredded tweet.

What has two legs but cannot walk?
Half a dog.

1 comment:

Michael Jones said...

I smiled at the Cyclops one. The others were SO so-so.